Alaska comes with tons of stereotypes, maybe thanks to its current place in popular culture. But one of the wonderful things about being totally new to a place that has such a distinct culture is that you can clearly see all the differences between this new place and all the other parts of America you’ve already called “home.”

While we’ve been here I’ve noticed that there are some things that I expected to hear  — but no Alaskan ever has said to me even one time.

So what are they?

5 Things Alaskans Never Say

1. “This was so well organized.” Behold, the magic of “Alaskan Time.” Do not confuse this with “Alaska Time,” which is a time zone. “Alaskan Time” is a state of mind, and when you live with it, you’re neither organized nor disorganized — you just are in a state of fluid living where you are just super happy to be alive, hanging out on the last frontier, doing you’re thing. You’re too busy living life to worry about stuff like lateness and organization.

You’re never actually really late. But you’re also not super into details. And you’re definitely not into planning things far in advance. That’s cool, though, because you’re on Alaskan Time, which is totally a thing.

2. “Just wait until the winter.” Many, many people have said this to me. Exactly zero of them currently live in Alaska. That’s because people in Alaska just roll with stuff. It’s 60 degrees and you’re chilly? Whatever. It’s going to be 30 degrees later? It’ll be fine.

3. “Don’t do ___ because there are too many bears.” Wildlife is a way of life here. No one cares that there are bears. Be smart, be safe, but you don’t let the bears keep you at home.

4. “Keep your shoes on.” People in Alaska take their shoes off in their homes … and sometimes in their businesses, and they expect visitors to do the same. They have good reason: with so much crazy weather keeping the dirt out of the house is just the best way to go. It makes sense for a home. When I was asked to remove my shoes (and go barefoot) at the eyebrow place, though …

5. “Sarah Palin.” I don’t mean anything specific — I mean the name at all. I have heard absolutely no one in Alaska talk about Sarah Palin. No one. We even live in the Palin’s hometown. It’s as if they don’t exist. Also, while we’re on the subject: I’ve yet to hear an Alaskan say “You betcha.”

If you’ve ever discussed winter sports with me, you’ve heard me say that I think ice skating is dangerous. That’s because ice skating is dangerous. It’s basically walking around on knives. Why would you do that?

But when we decided to move to Alaska, I determined that I would try all the winter things, and that includes ice skating. Sure, I’d been skating one or two times before, but it was a a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. I looked like this:

And on that day, one of my not-pictured-friends tripped on the ice and had her hand skated over. There was a lot of blood. I was mildly traumatized.

That’s why ice skating lessons for me and my two totally-new-to-skating kids sounded like a really good idea. I figured I’d just knock that fear right out of me. Google to the rescue, and I found a few sets of “all ages classes” conducted at the same time over four sessions in August.

Now, when you live somewhere that outdoor, winter things are just a way of life, you’re probably not going to encounter a lot of adults who are totally new to any given basic thing, like ice skating. I was nervous about trying this new thing. I thought that I would look like a fool who should know how to ice skate already, for the love. But the classes were advertised as for children through adults, so I knew I would be in good company.

And I was. There were lots of other students.

And when class started, the only problem seemed to be that because I was so tall, I was in the way while their moms tried to take videos of them.

Yeah, that’s me in the blue, three instructors and my classmates. The next oldest student? David. (He’s 7.)

But it’s cool, because they put me in the advanced class right away … with a six-year-old. Neat!

The lesson here? Sometimes trying new things is humbling. Sometimes it is super humbling. And that’s OK … as long as you try anyway.

I had a good time, I didn’t fall flat on my face even once and, yeah, I’m a little better at ice skating. So that’s a win, right?

Newness is the whole reason I’m here writing to you. And yet I do not like new things.

What about you?

When we decided to blow up life and move to Alaska it was because we wanted to do new things — new life, new career for Luke, new house, new people, new.

But if you know me outside of this blog, you know that I, Amy, do not like new things. At all. I like things that are exactly the same as the last time I did them. I like getting up at the same time. I like going to bed at the same time. I like ordering the same thing at the restaurant every time I go. I sit in the same spot at church, eat the same thing for breakfast each day, watch the same TV shows over and over again on Netflix, return to the same books. I am predictable.

I like predictable things. I don’t care that it makes me boring. I don’t care that it makes me a likely stalking victim. I like it anyway.

(Fine, now that I’ve listed all of those things, I’m feeling just a teensy bit embarrassed about it. Maybe I should cycle in a new show to my Netflix schedule.)

But I want to be a person who wants to do new things. I really do. I figured that if I moved to Alaska, I would be forced into all the new things and that, therefore, I would like them.

Wrong.

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“If I ever get to be on the She Percolates podcast, I’ll be happy. It’s one of my life goals.” — Actual words spoken by me to a friend.

And then, a few weeks later, they asked me to be on She Percolates.

“!!!!!!OMG!!!!!!” — Actual words spoken by me to that same friend.

You might be wondering why, exactly, being on someone’s podcast was one of my life goals. I’ll tell you.

She Percolates, a podcast that features successful women and discusses what that word, “success,” means to them, was just getting off the ground when I was mulling over this whole Humans Outside idea. Not only was their website gorgeous, but I loved their whole concept.

When I started listening to the podcast I found myself inspired over and over again. These gals were talking every week to women who had something important to say, something inspirational. I had to make a rule for myself that I would not, under any circumstances, listen to She Percolates in the 40 minutes before I wanted to go to bed. Listening flat out gave me too many ideas, too much inspiration — and I couldn’t fall asleep with my brain spinning like that.

I wanted to believe myself to be one of the smart, savvy women that the gals of She Percolates wanted to talk to. I wanted to think of myself as “successful.” I felt that if She Percolates wanted to talk to little old me, then “success” must be at least on the horizon.

Since one of the gals behind She Percolates, Jen Hatzung, is a military-world social media friend of mine, I took a chance and told her that if they were ever hard up for guests, I would be more than honored to take a spot. I knew they would never be hard up for guests. How could two incredibly interesting people recording what I think is the best podcast out there ever be hard up for guests?

But, a few weeks later, to my great astonishment, she asked me anyway.

The episode went live in mid-May. On it I got to talk about this little Humans Outside project, about my family and about success and all that word means to me. Spoiler: my definition of “success” is not exactly average.

If you want to take a listen to my episode you can pop over to She Percolates. And definitely consider subscribing. You won’t be sorry.

By the way: am I successful? Is my life now complete? I’m not sure, but here’s what I do know: I’m working on it.