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I call it “Floor Time.”
I am a person of great passion and dedication. I don’t do things halfway. That’s great for projects and goals. And it’s not so great for emotions.
I have two emotional states of being. I’m either absolutely, totally, wonderfully, perfectly fine — even fantastic — or I’m on the floor. There is no inbetween. There is usually no warning. One second I’m great. The next I’m simply not.
You can psychoanalyze me and decide if that’s a healthy way to be if you want — but it’s just the way I am.
Floor Time is a period where I just don’t know how to scrape myself back up again. It’s packed with wallowing. Everything feels terrible and hard and literally the worst. I KNOW it’s not the worst. But it FEELS like it’s the worst. I can’t see the forest for the trees. I have no idea while on the floor just how I will stop being on the floor.
We talked about this a few weeks ago — before my surgery to repair a torn labrum in my left hip. That came as a complete shock and knocked me from my feet right flat onto the floor. So I sat in the emotions and figured out how to deal with them after feeling all the feels for a day or two.
But what about when Floor Time doesnt feel connected to anything specific? What about when it hits you, you don’t know why and you don’t know how to make it better?
I firmly believe in the outdoors as being the best remedy I can get. Like wilderness therapist Judith Sadora talked about on the podcast a few weeks ago, the outdoors can operate as a container for all of the stuff we’re dealing with. We can sit there and move through it.
And so this week when I was just completely over everything, when I couldnt see any end to this stupid leg healing, when I was so, so bored with just crutching around and spinning mindlessly and without any kind of sweating on my spin bike for 20 minutes at a time — I was on the floor. Floor time.
And the next day, I scraped myself back up. I ate some extra carbs — because we know carbs help with everything — I went outside more than my 20 minutes. I sat in my hot tub. I read a book I enjoyed. I talked to a few trusted helpers. I got the all clear from one of my PTs to give the pool a try, so long as I swim with only my arms. I used the tools I had, and they worked to pick me back up again. I grabbed kombucha with a few of my running wives.
Sometimes Floor Time can end just like that. Sometimes it doesn’t. But if you’re dealing with a Floor Time right now, I get it. It sucks — so, so much. I get it. We all get it.
My outdoor time this week also included something kind of the best. It’s dark enough here early enough for me to break out the projector I bought this summer in hopes of using it with my hot tub. Last year on our cruise right before COVID hit, I watched the Downton Abbey movie — a film that fills my heart with joy, guys — from the hot tub on the cruise deck. And I thought you know what, I can recreate this moment at home, and I will.
So I did. And this last week as I sat in my hot tub watching that movie for a few minutes I thought — yup, this really is my best life. The stars were shining. The air was cool and crisp and the water warm. And it was the best. The. Best.
I’m pretty much down to walking completely without crutches now, still taking them out for the majority of my daily walks to give the hip a little bit of a break for longer times on my feet. Over the course of my recovery I’ve been relying more than ever on my Patagonia Atom Sling Bag. I use this bag as a purse, and it’s awesome because it doesn’t require any hands. It also doesn’t look huge, but somehow always has room for everything I need. We’ll call it my Outdoor Hero for this week, but it’s been there through all of my recovery.
I’ve spent some time over the last few weeks telling the story of Humans Outside on a few other podcasts, so keep an eye on our Facebook page and Instagram stories for a chance to listen to those episodes.
And, as, always, you can see my weekly outdoor exploits — documenting at least 20 minutes a day, every single day — over on Humans Outside on Instagram, and you can share your time, too, by tagging your daily time with #Humansoutside365. Until next time, we’ll see you out there.